If I could have every high school student in the United States read one book right now, it would be The Will to Change. Yes, we should empower women, and we should empower men - by socializing them to love and to care. If he cannot connect, he cannot be intimate.' In reality, the more patriarchal a man is, the more disconnected he must be from feeling. In this way we all collude with patriarchal culture to make men feel they can have it all, that they can embrace patriarchal manhood and still hold their loved ones dear. We tell fathers we love them when we are terrified to share our perceptions of them, our fear that if we disagree, we will be cast out, excommunicated. We tell men we love them when we feel we have absolutely no clue as to who they really are. Sadly, we have all colluded with the patriarchy by faking it with men, pretending levels of intimacy and closeness we do not feel. Some men spend a lifetime in a state of avoidance and therefore never experience intimacy. 'Being 'vulnerable' is an emotional state many men seek to avoid. Another wonderful quote from the book that resonated with so many of my experiences with men: She never positions men as the enemy, rather, she calls on readers to tear down the patriarchy that hurts us all. bell hooks hones in on so many uncomfortable truths about how patriarchy slaughters men's emotional vitality: how both men and women tell boys not to cry, how men use violent pornography as a way to cope with and visualize their rage, and how we accept male stoicism even when men are capable of so much more. Because of traumatic events in my childhood, I always swore off aggression - an emotion society forces most men to identify with. Though I feel confident in my maleness, I have never identified as masculine. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed.' If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. 'The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, 'Please do not tell us what you feel.'. One of the several quotes I loved from this book: She conveys honest compassion by contending that we must socialize everyone to honor male pain so that men will treat others with loving kindness, lest they forever repress their feelings to live up to the awful standards of toxic masculinity. bell hooks argues with fierce eloquence about how we socialize men to numb their emotions, to only express anger and rage. The Will to Change carries a revolution in its pages. Every man, and everyone who loves a man, should read this book.

The will to change masculinity and love